Let me start by apologizing. I am sorry to remind you of the movie Hyenas, and I am sorry for saying that it looked worse than a SyFy produced movie. It was harsh, and now that I have watched Transmorphers I know just how bad movie production can be. I have to hand it to The Asylum, they know they aren’t the best and they’re running with it. Good lord.
Transmorphers
Transmorphers takes place roughly around 2300 AD on Earth. Apparently in the year 2009 a race of alien robots swooped in and leveled “90% of the Earth’s population.” The survivors were forced to live underground in fear of their new robot overlords. As the robots creep ever closer to wiping out the entire planet, a few survivors strike out against them with a plan to reprogram them and basically create a software virus to shut them all down. Stop me if you’ve heard this one.
One of the only people that can do this task is a rebel that was cryogenically frozen, awaiting trial for treason. Once he is thawed out and given a gun, he immediately starts trouble. But, in the end he fulfills his purpose and saves the human race. Oh, and he’s a robot too. SPOILERS! That description of the plot makes it seem almost poetic and thought provoking, neither of which is intended or true.
Transmorphers is a movie. As much as that pains me to say, technically it is true. Let’s not beat around the bush here: it, as well as pretty much most, if not ALL, of Asylum’s releases are a cash grab. They take a movie currently in the theaters or just released on video and slightly change the title to resemble it greatly, hoping against hope that people will mistakenly pick up “Transmorphers” instead of “Transformers”. Pretty sneaky, sis. Also, it says a lot about a movie when it’s first release to DVD and BluRay shipped with audio that was out of sync and sound effects that weren’t there. More so when you consider that ALL of their movies are “straight to video”.
There are robots, laser weapons, attractive female fighter pilots, and two women that are married to each other and no one raises a hateful eyebrow– THIS IS THE FUTURE! This movie features some of the most flat acting I have ever seen, and that is saying a lot. The editing is kinda all over the place as well. On scene changes, it is done by laying one scene next to another and cutting to the new scene. Another completely different sequence, during a fight between two of females, the editing is so bad that it looks as though they are all just learning what a fight actually is. All of this is interlaced between scenes that look like they were created as a Full Sail University application. The use of sound effects from the video game DOOM are so rampant that at one point I had the overwhelming urge to cut off the movie and go play it.
All of this being said, I am really at a loss if I want to recommend someone else watch this. Make no mistake, if you don’t absolutely love watching garbage on film then this is not a movie (or production company, for that matter) for you. There is little worth seeing here, period. The effects are bad, the acting is flat, and the story is boring — none of it is so fantastically bad (in that Battlefield Earth kind of way) that it’s worth suffering for. This is made all the worse by the fact that they made a sequel to Transmorphers called Transmorphers 2: The Fall Of Man, which I am pretty sure was the subtitle to an actual Transformers property, but I couldn’t verify that.
Now if you will excuse me, I have to go try and find a copy of Alien Vs. Hunter.
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