If you can get beyond its poor mechanical issues, Two Worlds II is a surprisingly addicting game.
I didn’t know how to approach my review of Two Worlds II, released last month in the US by Southpeak. The enjoyment of an RPG can rely on more than just the main story arc: sidequests, grinding, and secrets help shape the overall experience, so engaging in them could be critical to some. By documenting my playthrough daily (see: Gameplay Diary parts 1, 2, 3, and 4) I was able to reveal some of these nuances, often getting frustrated or happy with the outcomes.
With that said, reading said pieces should give you more than enough of an idea of what I felt for the game, and if I recommend it or not. Regardless, a conclusion was still needed. A proper(ish) review, per se. But, I didn’t want it to just be an average review. I wanted it to reflect my overall thoughts about Two Worlds II: namely, that this game was a scaled-back version of Return of the King, with a little more open world gaming sprinkled in for good measure.
So, I dug up a copy of the script that I had lying around and drafted my review as an ode to the Tolkein epic. Enjoy.
Two Worlds II
Review By:
Dalibor Dimovski
Based on the Videogame Published by Southpeak
BLACK SCREEN
SUPER: Topware Interactive
SUPER: A Reality Pump Game
BLACK SCREEN
INTERIOR OF THE THRONE ROOM,CASTLE VAHKMAAR
ANGLE ON: SORDAHAN enters the throne room, massive sword in each hand, passing across pillars. The camera begins to spin uncontrollably as the GAMER tries to position the focus on SORDAHAN. After a few seconds, the screen stops spinning.
SORDAHAN
(with monotonous tone)
Gandohar. It’s time to face my wrath.
ZOOM ON: SORDAHAN’s unspectacular face render.
SORDAHAN
(with lifeless, passionless tone)
I’ve come for retribution. Let my sister go!
ZOOM OUT ON: The throne room. GANDOHAR sits on his thrown, with a slightly constipated pose and his hands in his lap.
GANDOHAR
Sordahan, it’s time you heard the truth…
ZOOM ON: View from behind SORDAHAN, with GANDOHAR in front. Epic/cliché twist about to unfold.
GANDOHAR
This game isn’t what it seems to be. You’ve been blind all along.
SORDAHAN falls back.
SORDAHAN
(less like asking a question, more like dictating a statement)
What… What do you mean.
GANDOHAR rises from his seat.
GANDOHAR
Did you not notice the Wolfmen vibrating, stuck in the boulders in front of Hatmandor? Did you not experience the AI bound by electric fences, allowing you to SNIPE with arrows from three feet away?
ANGLE ON: SORDAHAN, perplexed
SORDAHAN
I… I… Yes.
GANDOHAR
And did you not see into the lifeless eyes of the homunculus-like NPCs, only to realize their animations and voice-syncing were worse than a karate film? Or that the quests they sent you on were to fetch potions or go to a school dance?
SORDAHAN
I… I thought I was doing them a favor.
CLOSE ON: GANDOHAR’s eyes begin to glow red
GANDOHAR
Yet you still engaged in the quest. It’s only a matter of time before you work towards a THIEF’S GUILD quest to realize that you’d inadvertently killed a key person earlier in the game, and now cannot finish the questline.
SORDAHAN lowers his swords. Placing a hand on one hip, he creates an awkward pose.
SORDAHAN
Gandohar, I don’t know where you’re going with this. You still have my sister locked up. I’m here to rescue her and make you pay for what you did.
GANDOHAR
Are you going to do this before or after I stereotypically plan on sacrificing her to gain ultimate power? Sordahan, you’re missing the point.
GANDOHAR stands, summons a portal. He grabs SORDAHAN by the neck, throwing him into it.
FADE TO BLACK.
FADE IN TO…
EXTERIOR OF A TOWER, ON A PLATFORM… SOMEWHERE.
SORDAHAN falls out of a portal. The portal disappears. The GAMER, realizing that SORDAHAN’s health has hit zero, taps the RB button to use a POTION. Or two. Or 6. The health bar doesn’t recover.
GAMER
Gah! This is taking forever! I thought I had the Ultimate Potion set on RB!
The Gamer realizes that SORDAHAN has accidentally picked up his swords to attack, automatically changing what the RB functions for.
GAMER
Dammit!
Frustrated, the GAMER opens the INVENTORY menu, scrolls to the items, scrolls all the way down to the POTIONS, selects the ULTIMATE POTION of HEALTH, sets it to the RB button, exits out of the menu, and pushes it to recover health.
Suddenly, GANDOHAR appears in front of SORDAHAN in a blaze of light.
SORDAHAN
(again, perplexed)
Wait… What? If I had to go through a portal, how could you just appear out of thin air?
GANDOHAR
You still don’t see. Your quest, Sordahan… Your quest has taken you through a world of software bugs, poor design choices, and horrid camera execution. It has pitted you up against cheap bosses and forced you to live with poor hit detection.
SORDAHAN
Yes. That’s true.
GANDOHAR walks towards SORDAHAN.
GANDOHAR
Everything you’ve experienced… You would never be interested in a game like this, would you?
SORDAHAN is taken aback, stumbling in front of a sacrificial platform.
SORDAHAN
My God, you’re right! This whole game has been filled with problems!
GANDOHAR
(gloating)
Then give in. Forget this game. Join me in darkness and resentment.
ANGLE ON: SORDAHAN, looking away.
SORDAHAN
I… I can’t. Something has kept me going, and it wasn’t the quest. It wasn’t the need to save my sister.
GANDOHAR
What? Fool! There is nothing else! The quest is all there is!
CLOSE ON: SORDAHAN’s face. Again, his overly-mechanical eyes.
SORDAHAN
Wrong, Gandohar. There is SOMETHING. There are deep weapon- and magic-crafting systems. And the fetch quests… they’re addictive, even if they are convoluted and uninspiring.
ZOOM OUT: SORDAHAN raises his swords to his sides.
SORDAHAN
Look, see? I can equip a sword in each hand! I can set outfits, I can change their colors amongst different shades of gray and black!
SORDAHAN steps toward GANDOHAR.
GANDOHAR
You’re mistaken, runt! This game isn’t worth the $60 you paid for it!
SORDAHAN takes another step, now a mere breath away from GANDOHAR.
SORDAHAN
That’s true, it may not be worth it to me… But there are others. They are the ones who are obsessive-compulsive for collection quests. They are the ones who will spend hours playing Everquest, reading Tolkein, and wishing they were Aragorn.
GANDOHAR
Impossible! This cannot be! There is no salvation for this quest! No mortal humans would play this!
GANDOHAR is frozen with fear, rendered immobile by the notion that this quest, this game, has a few addictive and redeeming factors to a select niche. SORDAHAN raises his swords.
SORDAHAN
(this time, with feeling)
I… I will recommend this game to my friends who liked Oblivion!
SORDAHAN swings the swords downward, creating am earth-shaking pulse wave. GANDOHAR collapses.
FADES TO:
EXTERIOR OF THE ORC’S HOME ISLAND
Overlooking the ocean, SORDAHAN stands on the precipice overlooking the ships below.
SORDAHAN
(speaking to himself)
Sister, I have avenged you. I have traveled the plains and mountains of Antaloor when all I needed to do was just walk back to Vahkmaar.
ZOOM IN ON: Sordahan’s face.
SORDAHAN
At least now I can rest, knowing that this experience was much more entertaining than I thought it would be.
FADE TO BLACK.
THE END.
This review is based on a copy of the game provided by the publisher for the Xbox 360. The game was played through the single player campaign, with approx 50% of the sidequests being completed.
No Comments