I have been blessed. I’ve never had a 360 Red Ring on me. I did have a drive go bad within a few months of purchasing it. While spinning a disc it sounded like a 15 year old learning to drive stick for the first time. So when a good friend of mine got an RRoD a few weeks ago I thought to my self, Hmm I might be due for one? Lesson here is never, EVER think that.
I was playing Red Faction: Guerrilla when my TV screen went to a blank blue that I had never seen before. Odd. There was no sound and the controller wasn’t working. After cycling the power the problem was solved, kinda. After two minutes or so the game froze again and went to a blank black screen this time. Cycle the power once more and restart my game. This time it’s multi colored vertical lines. I check the game disc and it looks fine (no scratches are visible). I start the console up again and that’s when it gets bad. This time I don’t make it past the start up screen and the system freezes with some artifacting. Then pops up this wonderful screen:
WTF is E79?
E 79 Error? What, you never heard of it? Me neither, but I assure you it’s real. So I admit to something being very wrong with my system. Next stop, Xbox.com! In order to get the ball rolling on a repair I needed to register my console first. Sounds easy enough: a little contact info here, and a serial number there and voalà ready to go… not so much. The next step is to wait for an email. Okay so I wait… and wait… and wait. No email, so I try again. No email. The next avenue of approach is the trusty telephone. After suffering through the automated messages (thanks for changing that irritating male voice Microsoft) I’m told to “check the website” to process my repair request. Well, I’m a bit smarter then the average bear and know that might not work.
After being told to say “Agent” three times and not being understood three times, I was able to talk to a human being. So we do the “Who are you” dance in order to make sure I am in fact me. We then begin the Trouble Shooting process. While going through this process, things go from bad to awesome! You see, having never heard of an E79 error I was concerned that it might not be covered under any of the warranties Microsoft currently has in effect. While shooting though the troubles my 360 fully Red Rings. I let out a sigh of relief, now they have to fix it!
I begin thinking I am moments away from getting a shipping label and a repair number. That’s when the cruel hand of fate steps in. According to the gentlemen on the other end, his system is down. Yes, believe it folks. The system is d-o-w-n, down! That means no service number, no shipping label, nothing! He does tell me to try again tomorrow and gives me a reference number. This proves once again that if I didn’t have bad luck, I wouldn’t have any luck at all.
Fast forward to the next day and we start all over again. Hopeful that I could save some minutes on my cell phone plan, I try to register online, again… twice. Result? No luck. This time I try emailing the support staff via the website. By the end of the day, none of my emails had been returned and my 360 is still nothing more then a four hundred dollar paper weight.
Another day passes and it’s looking more and more like the only way I’m going to get this mess figured out is to call again. This time I get Natalie (Real name? Not likely, but she sounded cute so I’ll let it slide). To my amazement she was able to help. The reason the last person was unable to process my request was because he couldn’t spell my last name! [Language Barrier: 1 Me: 0]. It’s remarkable how quickly things moved after that. I was confirmed as actually being “me” (again!), my console was registered and I was able to get my shipping label.
Do you think it knows?
Without wasting any more time I’m on my way to the UPS store to send my sickly Xbox to Texas. There it will get an all expense paid vacation to include: de-dusting, hot stone massage, refurbishing, full body mud bath, Jaspering(?), and reboxing. The whole procedure should take about 2 to 3 weeks (so they say). So in the mean time I’m stuck with the B-team. I’m giving my DS some attention and maybe my Wii. I just can’t wait to do the unboxing video.
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